At some time or another we all hit troubled waters. It is during these times our souls are tested to grow beyond what we thought were our limits.
Often times, we don’t get to where we need to go without the love and support of someone, or many. I’m certain we all need a “people bridge” to get us over those troubled waters. We all need to take turns being the people bridge for one another in times of suffering and need.
For my husband Dave and I, our troubled waters began with the diagnosis of unexplained infertility. We were grateful to have found each other and looked forward to having a family together. After a year of trying unsuccessfully, we sought help from a fertility specialist who seemed hopeful that we could conceive with some help from specialized treatments (IUI’s, IVF’s)…
Sixteen treatments, five years, two miscarriages and one ectopic pregnancy later, we were emotionally, physically, soulfully and financially drained. We didn’t recognize each other anymore. We went from happily in love, fun people, to a zone of anger & disappointment. Why were we being punished?
Going to the birthday of a friend or relative’s child was hard (although we always did, so as not to disappoint the children). I think most people go through trials in some manner that is signature to them, but you have to keep cheering yourself on and hope that others will when you can’t. Thankfully, Dave and I had a big support group with family and friends, who unfortunately had to take this journey also. It made them worry, cry, get angry for us and than cheer us on when we were ready to get back on our feet for another round.
There were some who could not handle the gloom that at times overtook us; it was too much to be around. Some people even made very rude and hurtful comments. We tried to keep our hardship to ourselves, but people who really knew us could tell what it was doing. They were the ones who saw us through with gentle nudges, pep talks, wisdom chats, etc.
Dave and I got our inner resolve back and we saved up enough money to pursue adoption. Our hearts were happy, hopeful, and dreaming of finally becoming parents. Our hearts long cherished dream was buzzing anew.
Well, we wish we could say it worked out, but after two years and a few birth mothers later, that wasn’t the case. Two were scandalous about the process and made it a practice of scamming vulnerable, desperate people like ourselves. One simply changed her mind and decided she wanted to raise the baby. Once again, we started to become hollow people enveloped in vanishing dreams, broken hearts, and perhaps bad luck or bad karma…
Then, something magical happened. Instead of disappointment and pain taking us down again, my husband and I began to look at each other through new eyes. Instead of letting this horrible time break us apart, we were in awe of each other. It’s like we we’d been through trenches of war together and survived. We were never so happy to see ”us” again. We beheld others on a new level as well. We are both in “helping people” professions. Our experience deepened our hearts for others even more. We became better listeners, better partners, better friends and better family. We celebrated the relationships that developed through these hard times. Those who stood by us could never know how much they shine.
We have this amazing circle of true hearted people who really care, who would always show up for us when we were deflated. We learned that the Circle of Love, the Circle of Life and the Circle of Light can foster and grow. That’s what all our suffering gave birth to. We now hope that people who suffer the world-over will remember that WE are the miracles that can show up for people in need. WE can surround each other in this Circle of Love Light and Life, and in doing so, help new miracles to be born everyday. We are commited more than ever to helping others. We made peace with our situation and basically surrendered to it…
Now, lo and behold, as surrendering would have it, out of the blue, we met a wonderful young women, who was willing to affordably donate her eggs to me. It turned out to be a very positive experience for all. My husband says I can never keep a secret…and he’s right. I do want to shout it out from the rooftops that we have a “bun in the oven”…in part due to the miracle of people who strengthened us with their prayers, good thoughts, hugs, laughs and wise words. It hasn’t been an easy journey, but what we’ve learned is worth sharing.